“Real ladies play Netball’
I received a call from mum the other day begging me to give Netball a go… “10 years of soccer have not refined you as a lady… real ladies play Netball”…
I started to protest but realised it was a lost battle before I’d even begun… I begrudgingly agreed to give it a go and thought, it’s only an hour out of my life, really, how hard could “Netball” be???
I rock up to the Netball “courts” on a beautiful Saturday morning…arriving just in time… no time for learning of the rules, it was a quick introduction to the team & before I knew it the ref was already coming my way… I automatically lift my feet so she could check my pristine Asics pumps I’d just purchased… the reason for my tardiness… she looks at me oddly “their the new Asics gel all-star netball range, the shop assistant assured me they were national standard?!” “Hands please” she groans, living up to her surly demeanour… after a quick check of the nails to make sure I wouldn’t scratch an opponents eye out (ladies sport huh?) I was thrown a bib with the letter “C” on it and took to the court.
The whistle blew and before I knew it girls were running around me everywhere… I manage to catch a ball “ace” I think in my head... I raise my arms overhead and throw the ball… a fine throw… two feet on the ground and a lobbing throw that’s landed on the chest of my player, “awesome” I think… although it seems my team mates aren’t as elated with my efforts… more running… followed by bit of a jostle from my opponent and a cheeky smile… I make a note to be sure to challenge her next time we are both go for a ball…. I put my hand up and call to the sideline…
“Sub please coach” he stares right through me as if I asked in Japanese… gosh more running… Before I know it our GA has the ball… she lobs it in and shoots a goal…YESS…. the first of the game… I let out a YEEEEWWW as I run the length of the court, slap her on the back and mess up her hair… “Great goal chick” I yell in excitement…. More looks of dismay… from both teams this time.. I run around for while longer and am exhausted, for such a small playing field I feel as though I’ve run a marathon… I take a dive the next time the ball is thrown my way and lay on the ground clutching my ankle… my team mates come over to see if I'm alright… I wink at my WA…. “Don’t worry lizzy I’m not really hurt… just going for the penalty & having a breather....” More looks of aggravation... damn. I’m starting to realise that my hidden talent may not be Netball… I get up…again… I’m discreetly jostled from my opponent who gives me a smirk… right now I can think of another word starting with C for the bib she’s wearing. “BEEEEEPPPPP” finally the quarter is over… I leave the court, take off the bib and keep walking - never looking back….
Real ladies may play netball but real women play soccer.
Nat
You know Nat, for a while there I thought you were for real...and then I was like "Nah as if Nat would play Netball." Although true story, I did play it for four years in my formative years and its a bitch-fest I tell you. For all their short skirts and pretty scrunchies, they are something. God damn the amount of times I have been discreetly scratched. Ladies sport my arse! Whoeve coined that phrase should be shot with a rifle...actually make that a double barrelled shot gun!
I'm glad no one from our team plays netball (I'm looking at you shon) although....as a tactical manouvre, it could help us on the field with a bit of cat fight and underhanded tactics. Maybe a bit of scratching here and there all under a nice facade.
10 points!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I think you get the point, I can't believe you played netball for 15 years! Shame on you, an rep as well. tsk tsk. Thats okay, at least you have seen the light now!
If ever you feel the urge to pick up the ball and throw it chest pass style, let me know and I'll give you a good back hand to snap you out of it!